Weary no More
As I was standing at the edge of my garden, I was having trouble spotting the vegetables that I had worked so hard on growing this year. I know they are in there, but the weeds are too high and too thick for me to see them. And why I am I feeling so exhausted right now?
I am a gardener and I love it, but as I was standing there, I realized that I go through the same challenging cycle of thoughts every year. It’s a seasonal thing. I always start out with such high hopes and get off to a great start in the spring, only to see it end by dragging myself across the finish line by the time autumn arrives. Does it always have to end that way?
Coming out of a Minnesota winter, I have enough pent up energy and enthusiasm about planting my vegetable garden that I can hardly wait until the ground is thawed. We endure five months without leafs on the trees, shortened cloud filled days, and snow on the ground. Once the snow leaves and spring arrives, so do the familiar smells which add to the excitement of getting outside once again. Eventually the day arrives when I till the garden and breathe in the distinct smell of freshly turned earth. I go to the local nursery and pick up my seed potatoes, multiple varieties of tomato plants, and other seeds. We spend a weekend sinking them into the soil and putting down straw between rows as a weed barrier. Finally…I am off and running into the new season!
As spring turns into summer, I weed and water, watching my babies grow knowing that I will once again be having fresh produce this year. About this time, my strawberries come ripe and we start picking those. My five apple trees and two pear trees have beautiful flowers and will soon turn into young fruit. All is right with the world.
As we move into July, enthusiasm level is still high—kind of. I am harvesting some lettuce and my potato plants are getting bigger. Weeding becomes a little more tedious, but I am still energetic and doing alright. Then it happens…again. Potato bugs start attacking my potato plants and the battle begins.
As July turns into August, my enthusiasm wanes. The heat of the summer as well as the mosquitoes keep me away from the garden. After putting up a valiant effort, I begin losing the battle with the potato bugs. I have killed hundreds of them, but they lay enough eggs to multiply faster that I can kill them. I try squishing them, using the blow torch on them, and even try ignoring them, but nothing is effective! Soon, my potato plants are decimated. By this time, the weeds are winning in the rest of the garden as well. Ugh!
As August rolls into September, the weather begins to break and cool temperatures return. My tomatoes are doing well. I have harvested half of my potatoes and my two rows of corn turned out great. My raspberries are ripening and my apple and pear trees are loaded. It’s now time to pick my tomatoes as well as my peppers and onions, but there’s only one problem. My garden looks like a disaster.
I am feeling overwhelmed. I am tired. And to be honest, I don’t want to harvest it all. I just want to enjoy the beginning of this fall weather without having to go through all this work. Even though the harvest it right at my doorstep, I want to quit. But I also know that my garden is not going to harvest itself. We usually can salsa with all the garden items, but that is a lot of work as well. And what am I going to do with all of these apples? Can I just let my entire harvest go to waste?
I was thinking about this question and about the feelings I have…and how it seems to recur every year. It never fails; right on the verge of reaping, I feel like quitting. I eventually get fed up and want to simply let the harvest rot in the field. Have you ever felt that way?
The bible tells us in in Galatians 6:9, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” I then wondered how close I had to been to other victories in my life that slipped through my fingers because I grew weary and quite close to the end. There is rest at the end of season, but if we cut short those seasons because we don’t have the endurance to finish, we then also lose out on the rewards that are waiting for us at the end. Regardless of who you are or what you do, we are all in the beginning, middle, or final stage of some season in our life. And yes, we all tend to get weary at some point and want to throw in the towel; but if we do, we will miss out of the reward that is right around the corner.
September typically represents a new beginning—a new season for many of us. School starts again, church activities ramp up, and fall chores begin again. However, this season I pray that God gives you the endurance you need to finish the course you are on. It is my prayer that you do not become discouraged. Why? So you can enjoy the fruits of your labor and then enter into His rest when you have completed what is before you.
As for me…in another month or so, I will have rest. So much rest, in fact, that I will be itching again for the return of spring! Sometimes it is hard to see that. We want what we want when we want it. But life doesn’t work that way. Again, the bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” So during this season, I will press on and harvest the fruit of this season. I will rest during the season of rest, and I will purpose—once again—to press towards those marks that God has laid before me.
Remember, if you don’t quit, you will win.
Loving what He loves
I have been spending a lot of time outdoors lately. No, not going on some big hikes or visiting state parks, just hanging out in the backyard. We have spend the last 8 years planting trees, shrubs,and gardens and I just enjoy going out and seeing how everything is doing as well as seeing what all this has attracted. We have seen more, varied wildlife in the past few years than we ever have.
I not only love being out there, but I love when my wife comes out there with me and is interested in all of those things as well. It is much better sharing it with someone that you love. I connect more with her because she loves what I love. Pretty cool.
Maybe that is why I feel closer to God in the yard and garden. Because He is sharing something that He loves, that He created, with me! I can connect more with God just by the fact that I love what he loves! Maybe that is a way we can know Him better. Find out what He loves and love that too. You will find the heart of God that way.
I am constantly amazed by the beauty of observing the everyday when I am out there. The variety, the complexity, the simple, all conspire to create a orchestra of beautifully played music that I love to watch and hear. This may not be some big revelation, but I don’t think connecting with God has to be this big complex, step 1,2,3 process. The simple joy we can find in the everyday is there for anyone who wants to take the time to slow down and look for it.
Genesis 1:31, “And God saw every thing that he had made, and indeed it was very good”
Come as you are
Julie finishing half marathon
Last weekend, our family went to go watch my wife, Julie, run in a half marathon in downtown Minneapolis. Julie is training to run in her second Twin Cities Marathon in October. She ran the last one 10 years ago, and she is making sure she is more prepared this time around. She has already run in many 5Ks, a 7K, and some 10Ks. Her goal is to keep her knees strong and healthy and improve from her last marathon time. The hour was early and the weather clear and warm when we arrived. She was prepared, healthy, and ready to run. As she left the starting line, her bright smile indicated that all systems were go. Her goal was to finish between 2:15 and 2:30. Me and the girls funneled down close to the finish line shortly before the 2-hour mark to watch her come in. The 2:15 mark came and went, as did the 2:30 mark. At 2:39, she crossed the finished line. She finished! It wasn’t in the time frame that she wanted, but we were still very proud of her. So many battles are fought while running, and it is a test of your mental and physical fortitude. Well, Julie was not happy. For the rest of the day, she was in a bad mood. Disappointment took its toll.
Today, when I ventured out into the garden, I was putting some finishing touches on some long overdue chores. I made nine tomato cages out of concrete mesh and had put them around the tomatoes three weeks ago. They needed staking, and I was finally getting around to that today. As I was out there, I was noticing all the weeds. I was thinking that I need to get out here more and do a better job of staying on top of it. This year, I had made a concerted effort to not let the weeds win. I had laid down hay between all the rows to keep the weeds in check, been diligent to weed regularly, and even selectively sprayed Round-Up to stay on top them. But there they were, still staring at me in the face. Taunting me. Why can’t I stay on top of them? I have pulled what feels like thousands of weeds, and still, there they are.
As I was letting this roll through my head, and feeling disappointed, the Lord helped me remember all the past seasons and all the other times the weeds were much worse. Even though I have battled this regularly, I have always had an amazing crop at harvest time. I have had onions the size of softballs, and tomatoes, peppers and potatoes so bountiful that I could not keep them all. So what was all the fuss about? Well, I wanted the garden to look as perfect as it was producing. It even felt like I was putting more emphasis on how it looked, as compared to how it produced. The Lord gives the increase, and it has produced—every year!
I was thinking about all of this, and Julie’s half marathon came to mind. She was disappointed with her performance and race result, but you know what? She is out there running every day, she is producing, she is doing things very few people do – including me. Maybe she isn’t finishing where she wants. Maybe she isn’t finishing at the top, but she is finishing!
Then it became clear to me, God doesn’t care about our perfection or our performance. He cares about us. He isn’t going to bring increase to my garden only if it has no weeds in it. He isn’t going to help Julie battle during her run, only if she finishes at the top. He is there for us, despite the issues. He doesn’t wait for our weed-free garden and all our running issues to be resolved before He can bless us. He loves and cares for us right where we are at. He is there in the midst of your problems, not at the end of them. What a pressure-reliever!
I am getting ready to venture out and pull some more weeds. I love spending time out there. I know I won’t get them all, but so what. I know when people see my garden, they won’t see the postcard picture perfect one. That’s okay. Julie is getting ready to do more running by herself. Her knees never felt better, and she has run more this year than any other. She is a winner, not because of where she finishes, but because she does finish. God is working within her to strengthen her mind and her body. The results will come. No worries.
Slow down and take a look around, He is there. He is always with us. I am just thankful that He is not sitting there with a checklist, ensuring that we meet all the requirements of do’s and don’ts before he’ll be there for us. He is just inviting us to come as we are.
When I was just a little boy . . .
For 3 weeks it had been weighing on my mind. I was trying to think how I could get out of it. I could call in sick. I could have someone else do it. I could say that we were not ready yet. So many options. I needed to have an out.
It was only for 10 minutes, but I still have to stand up in front of group of people and speak. I have already had panic attacks in other situations where I felt trapped, and now was I entering another one. In the words of Seth Godin, my Lizard Brain was on full alert and the fight or flight engine was just getting revved up . . .
When I was growing up, I was a little on the shy side. I was very comfortable doing things more independently and often by myself. As I grew, I became more involved with sports and other activities, which were more “social” by nature. I never gravitated to grabbing the spotlight, and I was more comfortable staying behind the scenes. I wasn’t a big risk taker and avoided situations that would would put the spotlight on me.
As I entered my teen years, girls entered the scene. To say I was attracted to girls was an understatement. In order to navigate this new world, I needed to change my game plan. Since I was not naturally adept at social situations, something had to change. That change took the form of smoking, drinking, and drugs. Drinking was especially helpful in letting down my guard. I participated in parties by dancing like Fred Astaire (or so I fondly remember), entering into conversations with other girls gracefully (in my own mind at least), and basically having the confidence in myself that I could never muster on my own.
From the age of 15 to the age of 40, drinking and drugs became a way of life. Then a miracle happened. I surrendered my life to Jesus and everything changed. I mean everything! I stopped the drinking, smoking, drugs, swearing, etc. that were a part of my life for 25 years. I have been free from all of that for 10 years now.
Because through most of my adult life, I was able to navigate social situations with a little help from the bottle, I now was on my own. In all these situations, I was now sober. I had never learned how to effectively do this. I avoided them. Now I am picking up where my 15-year old brain left off.
I have never had panic attacks, heart palpitations, or claustrophobic feelings before, but in the past 10 years, I have had quite a few. My brain had not been properly trained and when I entered situations that were new (to the sober mind), it went on tilt. In almost every way, the last 10 years have been the best of my life, but in this, it has been a struggle. Avoidance was not going to win forever. The last thing I wanted to do was make an a** of myself also. What if I had a panic attack in the middle of a presentation! Oh my gosh, I would be so humiliated! I could not let that happen!
So fast forward to my meeting the other week. I wanted to present. I had something to say. My mind was struggling. I wanted to be there, I didn’t want to be there. I practiced my presentation half a dozen times. I was nervous. I had someone do it with me, and I put a couple of things in place to help me get over my Lizard Brain. It was show time. I went to the meeting and made my presentation. Once I got started, I was fine. The nerves left and things started to flow.
One of the things that have helped me immensely during all of this is prayer. I pray, and I have Julie, my wife, pray for me before I have to present. I trust that the Lord is going to bring me through those situations and He is always faithful to show up just when I need it. He is never early and never late, always right on time. The only thing that is lacking is my faith that He will help me through. I have to exercise it each time.
I continue to believe that my mind is renewed and I am learning the things I never fully walked through when I was younger. The story does not conclude with a nice tidy bow wrapped around it. Our lives are like a line, not a snapshot. Maybe next time I will make an a** of of myself, maybe not. Where I am today is different from where I was yesterday and from where I will be tomorrow. I just know that the future is brighter and I can’t wait to be a part of it.
To those who have served…
I open the packed refrigerator and complain because there’s nothing to eat. My family’s three cars have a little too much patina. There are 150 channels to choose from, and yet there’s nothing good on TV tonight. I go to bed and my pillow is a little too lumpy.
I suffer from too much. A byproduct from a generation that sacrifice was a way of life and by it, allowed us to live in prosperity. Abundance brings with it a virus called ingratitude, and I have suffered from bouts of this affliction as well. How can you relate to people and a lifestyle that you have never experienced? Every time period has had its givers and takers, and I would venture to guess that this generation has more takers than givers. We are seeing the death of an era. The WWII generation is in its final days and when they’re gone, we’ll have lost the wisdom that goes with them.
I have not served in the military, nor have I made a sacrifice for my country. I am a person who has lived in the aura of the blood that was shed so that we’d be able to live in freedom. The men and women who’ve given up their down pillows and warm beds for sleepless nights, uncertainty, and frazzled nerves are the true heroes that we are to admire.
Today, we have a new group of soldiers that are willing to put their lives on the line to hold back 
the evil that roams the earth. We have too many reasons to remain complacent, but they do it. To voluntarily give up the lap of luxury, to serve is truly remarkable. I thank God for all of those who have sworn this oath to protect this country:
I, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.
I cannot adequately express my gratitude to all those who have sacrificed for this country. I am awed and envious. As best as I try to relate, I am not in the family of soldiers. My perspective is that of an outsider. But, you have given all of us a gift. A gift of liberty and freedom. Some may squander it, and some may relish it. At times, I live close to both of these truths.
Even though saluting is reserved to those within the “family”, I stand with you and I salute you. I am grateful beyond words. From one of us to all of you… thank you.