simplifying life through God, love, family, gardening, and photography

11
Mar 12

Why Worry

My breathing was erratic, my mind was racing, and the conversation I was having with myself was a form of bargaining. Okay, just let me finish this last lap. The whir of the treadmill was keeping my pace. It had taken me a long time to get me to this point, and I was determined to grind it out. Keep breathing, keep moving.

It all started in November when I had a heart palpitation. That turned into multiple heart palpitations, which then led to three more days of continuous palpitations. I’ve had on and off palpations several times over the years, but not like this. They’d pop up maybe twice a year, and never last longer than a day. This was different though, and it unnerved me. I began feeling a little desperate to have this taken care of and have it go away for good!

Lap number three was complete. I can do it. One more lap is a mile. I had run a mile for the first time less than a week before. I checked my heart rate, and everything was looking okay. Keep on pushing. I can get there.

After those three days, I went to the doctor for some answers, and walked away with a prescription for a beta blocker, along with assurances that it wasn’t anything to worry about. Easy for him to say! He told me that since it only happened when I was resting, it wasn’t that serious. “Just stop thinking about it.” he said. Stop thinking about it? Hello… that’s all I can think about.

Four laps led to five. One more lap is a mile and half. I can do it! My breathing was feeling more manageable now. I finally found a rhythm that was working. My heart rate wasn’t too high, and I was in a groove.

My three days of palpitations turned into three weeks, and after another doctor visit, more blood drawn, and another test run, nothing. Was it something I was eating? Was it because I was dehydrated? Not enough sleep? Too much stress in my life? Not enough exercise? Was it Seasonal Affective Disorder? Too much time in front of the computer? A vitamin deficiency? Well, I tweaked each of these dials and still, no improvement. I researched and researched. Still nothing. I kept thinking that I know I can fix it if I can just turn the right dial.

Hey, didn’t the doctor mention that maybe I have too much blood in my system? Maybe that explains why I look flush all the time. How about a little bloodletting? So, I made an appointment to give blood with the Red Cross. This was my first time giving blood, and I guess that eating a full meal beforehand is more than just a good suggestion. Who knew that breathing into a paper bag and trying to remember your name are part of the fun as you lay there delirious on the table? After thirty minutes of recovery, all the while trying to see if my sea legs still worked, I was able to leave. Oh yeah, and the palpations – still there.

Just passed six laps. Only one more lap. I’ve never ran this far, and I know I can make it to 1.75 miles. My heart rate is elevating, but I am still okay. I wanted to quit running and just walk for a little while, but I wasn’t going to stop. One lap at a time, one lap at a time. I was determined to finish. Breathe. Push through it!

Four weeks of heart palpitations passed, and no relief in sight. I lifted my plight up to the Lord, made some changes in the natural, and still, nothing changed. Looking for the magic bullet didn’t produce any results, so now what? Lord why I haven’t been healed from this? I was stumped.

I needed to make some lifestyle changes. I’m not a fad kind of guy. I don’t do diets, and I don’t get gym memberships. I find it tough to get enough exercise during the winter season because I get too idle by spending so much time indoors. So, I made the decision to eat better overall by eating more REAL, whole foods, and cutting out some evening snacks. I am not way overweight, but my “ideal weight” is about 10 pounds less than my current weight, so dropping a few pounds was also in order. So, that is what I did. I began to make some lifestyle changes.

Walking is something I can do regularly, so I decided that 10,000 steps a day is a good goal. My 10,000 steps are made up of thirty minutes of walking at lunch and thirty minutes on the treadmill at home. It’s at home that I began to add a little running into the routine. I’ve never been a runner, and have never liked it. You would think age 50 is an odd time to start. So why am I doing it? With my heart acting a little wonky, my thought was that strengthening it could only help the situation. I started out slow, and didn’t want to overwork my heart, so I got a heart rate monitor to assess where I was at. I was able to steadily increase my running-to-walking intervals.

As I passed seven laps, I was determined to hit the two-mile mark. I didn’t start out to do this, but I wasn’t going to quit. By this point, my heart rate was pushing 95 percent of my max heart rate. As I rounded the bend and was closing in on the last few seconds, I extended my hands to the Lord and thanked Him. I did it! I finished—exhausted and triumphant! I completed two miles without stopping, which is for me, a major accomplishment.

After six weeks, the heart palpations slowly stopped. A week later, they started up all over again. Now, for the last week, I haven’t had any, so I cannot be sure if this is permanent or not. I’m just thankful that TODAY, I haven’t had any.

During this whole ordeal, I haven’t lost hope that God is looking after me. I know that my reliance on myself to fix everything is too easy to do. Why did they start? Don’t know. Why did they end? Don’t know. Are they gone for good? Don’t know, and I don’t care anymore. Having heart palpitations evoked a fear in me that I refuse to let grip me from now on. They may come back, and they might not, but I believe that the Lord is always looking after me. My reliance is on Him. I won’t be fearful of them anymore. In the meantime, as I get healthier, I will have a healthier, happier house that the Holy Spirit can dwell in. It is a win-win! Praise the Lord!

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
Matthew 6:34 (MSG)

12
Sep 11

Weary no More

As I was standing at the edge of my garden, I was having trouble spotting the vegetables that I had worked so hard on growing this year. I know they are in there, but the weeds are too high and too thick for me to see them. And why I am I feeling so exhausted right now?

I am a gardener and I love it, but as I was standing there, I realized that I go through the same challenging cycle of thoughts every year. It’s a seasonal thing. I always start out with such high hopes and get off to a great start in the spring, only to see it end by dragging myself across the finish line by the time autumn arrives.  Does it always have to end that way?

Coming out of a Minnesota winter, I have enough pent up energy and enthusiasm about planting my vegetable garden that I can hardly wait until the ground is thawed.  We endure five months without leafs on the trees, shortened cloud filled days, and snow on the ground. Once the snow leaves and spring arrives, so do the familiar smells which add to the excitement of getting outside once again.  Eventually the day arrives when I till the garden and breathe in the distinct smell of freshly turned earth. I go to the local nursery and pick up my seed potatoes, multiple varieties of tomato plants, and other seeds. We spend a weekend sinking them into the soil and putting down straw between rows as a weed barrier.  Finally…I am off and running into the new season!

As spring turns into summer, I weed and water, watching my babies grow knowing that I will once again be having fresh produce this year. About this time, my strawberries come ripe and we start picking those. My five apple trees and two pear trees have beautiful flowers and will soon turn into young fruit.  All is right with the world.

As we move into July, enthusiasm level is still high—kind of. I am harvesting some lettuce and my potato plants are getting bigger. Weeding becomes a little more tedious, but I am still energetic and doing alright. Then it happens…again. Potato bugs start attacking my potato plants and the battle begins.

As July turns into August, my enthusiasm wanes. The heat of the summer as well as the mosquitoes keep me away from the garden. After putting up a valiant effort, I begin losing the battle with the potato bugs. I have killed hundreds of them, but they lay enough eggs to multiply faster that I can kill them. I try squishing them, using the blow torch on them, and even try ignoring them, but nothing is effective! Soon, my potato plants are decimated.  By this time, the weeds are winning in the rest of the garden as well. Ugh!

As August rolls into September, the weather begins to break and cool temperatures return. My tomatoes are doing well. I have harvested half of my potatoes and my two rows of corn turned out great. My raspberries are ripening and my apple and pear trees are loaded. It’s now time to pick my tomatoes as well as my peppers and onions, but there’s only one problem.  My garden looks like a disaster.

I am feeling overwhelmed. I am tired. And to be honest, I don’t want to harvest it all. I just want to enjoy the beginning of this fall weather without having to go through all this work. Even though the harvest it right at my doorstep, I want to quit. But I also know that my garden is not going to harvest itself.  We usually can salsa with all the garden items, but that is a lot of work as well. And what am I going to do with all of these apples? Can I just let my entire harvest go to waste?

I was thinking about this question and about the feelings I  have…and how it seems to recur every year. It never fails; right on the verge of reaping, I feel like quitting. I eventually get fed up and want to simply let the harvest rot in the field. Have you ever felt that way?

The bible tells us in in Galatians 6:9, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” I then wondered how close I had to been to other victories in my life that slipped through my fingers because I grew weary and quite close to the end. There is rest at the end of season, but if we cut short those seasons because we don’t have the endurance to finish, we then also lose out on the rewards that are waiting for us at the end.  Regardless of who you are or what you do, we are all in the beginning, middle, or final stage of some season in our life. And yes, we all tend to get weary at some point and want to throw in the towel; but if we do, we will miss out of the reward that is right around the corner.

September typically represents a new beginning—a  new season for many of us. School starts again, church activities ramp up, and fall chores begin again. However, this season I pray that God gives you the endurance you need to finish the course you are on. It is my prayer that  you do not become discouraged. Why? So you can enjoy the fruits of your labor and then enter into His rest when you have completed what is before you.

As for me…in another month or so, I will have rest. So much rest, in fact, that I will be itching again for the return of spring! Sometimes it is hard to see that. We want what we want when we want it. But life doesn’t work that way.  Again, the bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” So during this season, I will press on and harvest the fruit of this season. I will rest during the season of rest, and I will purpose—once again—to press towards those marks that God has laid before me.

Remember, if you don’t quit, you will win.

Subscribe

Enter your email address:

Recent Posts

What I am Reading

Jon Larson's currently-reading book recommendations, reviews, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists

Tags

Categories

Get Adobe Flash playerPlugin by wpburn.com wordpress themes

Switch to our mobile site